Wednesday, 3 June 2015

Story Extract- Part 2!

Hi again! Are you super excited for this post? Because I am!! It's the second part of my… STORY EXTRACT! Now if your new here -and really confused- then why don't you go check out my first extract and then come back to this one! So then, after this post, we can all settle down for a hot chocolate, cookies and some Netflix. But before all that, I want to announce who figured out which blogger I was from my previous post! It was... MISS INTERNET AND MORNINGTIME4 for correctly guessing that I was The Content Compleation! A very big well done to you guys! Don't worry if you didn't get it as it was a very hard challenge! Ok, so now that's all cleared up we can charge into action!

The horrified girl with the given name turned slowly on her heel, praying with all her might. It couldn't be him, could it? Her breathing seemed to have increased and she felt as if someone was plunging her head into shapeless water. By every second terror was filling her quickening heart. What was she going to do? She finally summed up enough courage to turn around and meet the face of a stranger. The girl suddenly took a huge, relived breath, only to be plunged back into water again. Suprisingly, he knows my name. How does he know my name? She began to step forward, intending to unravel the mysterious mans identity by getting a glimpse of him only be met with a tight lipped 
"Don't move a muscle." 
His voice (she knew it was a male judging by his deep tone) was strong yet somewhat elegant as if he was someone who belonged in a higher standard. But his voice wasn't going to get in the way of her finding out who this arrogant outsider is. 
"Please tell me who you are! I just want to know!
"I can't tell you," replied the man, " but I can tell you that I want you to come with me." 
"I can't" 
"Then I'll have to drag you there"  
And his hand locked firmly around her arm.

Did you like it? If so you can post a comment about what I could do better and what I did better than last time! Or you can follow? I hope you like it as all of you guys asked begged me for it! I don't mind any constructive criticism so ,please, be my guest! But I think that's all for know so...

Stay happy,


  1. I'm loving this story extract! Really good job!


    1. Thank you Galaxy! I am glad you liked it!

  2. You're so so x 199 talented at writing!

    This was so mysterious and intriguing!

    Ooh, I JUST LOVE IT!


    P.S. YAY! We guessed it! xoxo

    1. Thank you so much, I am glad you liked it! And an as massive congratulations to you for guessing right!

  3. Wow your amazing at writing xx :)

  4. What a great post, I loved it :)

  5. Hey PenGirl,

    Great job on the dialogue between our mystery man and Miss Smith. Nice structuring too!

    I’m also really impressed by your rich imagery, especially of your recurring use of “water symbolism” to describe the horror and apprehension our Miss Smith is feeling. The gravity or “weight" of this horror is so intense that it can almost be compared to a “physical pressure” that burdens her. So this “water symbolism” is obviously extremely important to your story. And it's awesome.

    For a future post maybe you can explore “water” as an important personal symbol for Miss Smith. Has Miss Smith personally suffered any past negative experiences with water? In her eyes, why does water = discomfort? It’d be great if you elaborate further on this symbolism.

    Secondly, maybe you can give us readers a more detailed description of this mystery man’s appearance? Maybe include his (approx.) height, weight and age. His facial characteristics would also fill in lots of gaps. We'd then be able to imagine him in our heads!

    It's obviously getting more developed so keep writing PenGirl!

    Also I'm sure we'd be delighted if you chose to revisit one of your older extracts and expanded it further!

    Brain Box